Darkness

Darkness

I feel like water has invaded my lungs

With each breath I take, it hurts and becomes harder and harder to take another breath

Anger has flooded my body, but I know no reason why

I want to scream, I want to punch the wall

My body shakes with anger, my heart racing

How can I get through the day feeling like this

How can I sit at work, in class, without people realizing i’m dying inside

I’m snapping at everyone, my fiance tries to help but it’s no use

I snap at him and shut down

I don’t want love right now, I don’t want happiness

I want to be angry, I want to feel pain

I want to cry and be alone, somewhere I can scream until no sound is left, where no one will stop me

But I can’t right now, so instead, I paint a fake smile on my face and try to appear fine

Try to not let anyone see how much i’m hurting inside for fear of what they would do

But as the day continues, that paint slowly starts to smudge and pretending I’m fine becomes a harder and harder task

I’m trying to remain strong but my facade is breaking and I don’t know how much longer the bandage of a smile will hold my pieces together.

Someone please tell me when this feeling will leave my body

When I will be able to smile and laugh like I did only a day ago

Won’t someone tell me when the dark thoughts will cease

And the water will leave my lungs

When I won’t cause pain to the ones I love

But instead bring them joy

The darkness is too overwhelming, a mixture of black and red is all I can see

I haven’t felt this way in so long but I should have known I wasn’t free

I’ll never be free from these demons inside

Which makes me wonder why, I even try