Sick of just existing

There’s a YouTube channel that I am absolutely obsessed with called Good Mythical Morning. Not only am I obsessed with the channel, I also am obsessed with Rhett and Link and all the mythical family. When I heard they were releasing a book, I freaked out and of course ordered it the day it came out. It came in Friday and I read the entire book. I was fascinated learning all about Rhett and Link, their friendship, and their lives! But reading the book, I realized something. As much as I want to call myself a Mythical beast, the life that I’m living right now is anything but mythical. To have a mythical life, one must be willing to try new things, take risks and live their life to the absolute fullest. One must love their self and be willing to make a total fool out of themselves without caring what anyone else thinks. Me, on the other hand, is literally afraid of everything and avoid risks and trying new things at all cost. Now, this isn’t because this is what I want but because anxiety has such a tight grip on my life, it’s hard not to be afraid of everything. I mean, take 3 weekends a go for example. Tom, my mom, and I went to fright fest at Six Flags. Now this is something we do every year and when I was younger, always looked forward to. This year, however, I was so scared I could hardly walk through the park and immediately wanted to leave. I ruined the fun for my mom and fiancé because fear took over me. I was so angry with myself that night. In fact, I’m so angry with my self all the time for being scared to do anything or try anything new. I had the opportunity to get tickets to see Rhett and Link at their first show of their very first tour last night but due to the fact I would be surrounded by a lot of people in a theater in Long Island, I decided not to get the tickets. Fear stopped me from seeing the two guys I completely love who inspire me live!  I’m afraid of concerts, of going to the movies, of driving, of going to the city, of the train, hell I’m even scared of going shopping sometimes. Living in this world with anxiety is absolute hell! But, somehow I need to start living differently. I’m very picky when it comes to food but tonight, I tried to eat a mushroom within the tuna casserole my future sister in law made. I hated it, I gagged, but I swallowed the damn thing and I was just proud of myself for doing that. I want to make a promise to myself right now that I’m going to start trying to live a mythical life. Now, I know this isn’t going to be an easy thing and I will probably falter here and there but I’m trying to stay confident and believe that I can conquer my fears. I might have anxiety but anxiety has run my life for far too long. What I’m doing, is just existing, not living and I refuse to just exist anymore. Life is too damn short to just exist. It’s time to start living.